Badtimes lyrics

If you receive an e-mail with a subject of ’badtimes’ delete it immediatly without reading it
This is the most dangerous e-mail virus yet.
It will re-write your hard disk
Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer
It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream melts
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your vcr
And use subspace field harmonics to render any cds you try to play unreadable.
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number.
It will mix antifreeze into your fishtank
It will drink all your beer and leave it’s socks out on the coffee table when there’s company coming over
It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit and hide your car keys when you are late for work
Badtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin.
It will give you nightmares about circus midgets.
It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back
And billing the dinner and hotel room to your visa card
It will seduce your grandmother
It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can’t find it.
It will kick your dog. it will leave libidinous messages on your boss’s voice mail in your voice!.
It is insidious and subtle
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. it is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
Badtimes will give you dutch elm disease. it will leave the toilet seat up.
It will make a batch of methamphetamine in your bathtub
And then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase high school kids with your new snowblower.
These are just a few of the signs. be very very careful !!